I need to chill

I don't mean to keep on merapu about the same thing, but I really hate myself right now. I'm getting sick of myself for telling him about my wedding fantasies when he clearly do not have anything planned for that yet. Yea, he loves me deeply, but I don't see him getting excited for this shit. And it always makes me wonder when is he gonna pop the question. Being away from him really sucks cuz I start to imagine things. Not bad things, but good things. Good things that might be too good to come true.

People always say that when you date a person for years, you might end up not getting married to that person. Some of my good friends broke up with their boyfriends after being together for so long. As much I like to refuse to believe that, but it happened. So now I'm more restless thinking about this. He always told me to hang in there and said that he'll wait for me. I can definitely wait for sure. But sometimes, even if both parties work hard in the relationship, kalau dah takde jodoh, tetap takde. And that really sucks, cuz that's the only thing that I want right now (untuk ditemukan jodoh dengan dia). Like I said earlier being away really sucks!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I should stop talking about other people's shit. Obviously, I'm not worried about what they do, but rather enjoy talking bad things about them and make me feel good about myself. Pathetic! Talk about insecurity.

People make bad decision in their life. Maybe because they're not so smart, or they don't have other solutions, or they think that what they do is right for them. I therefore, should not judge their decision and make them look bad (as if I'm holier than them). I've done some bad things and I'm hoping that other people would understand. Maybe I should do the same thing, understand! (and keep my mouth shut!).

Maybe, I am envious of what they have. And when I'm envy, I compare the things that we do, so that I can assure myself that I'm doing better. I can't help but enjoy watching people do silly stuff. Silly stuff meaning, things that are not rationally and carefully planned. But like I said earlier, maybe they just not so smart. Not that I'm really smart either.

It kills me to know that I'm a judgmental person. I don't want to be judgmental cuz I know that other people might judge me too. Not that I care much of what other people say about me. But being judgmental can lead to 'busuk hati'. I don't want people to be calling me busuk hati, cuz that's just plain evil. Now, I'm trying to kikis this feeling for other people, cuz I can see that my hati is getting darker. Oh Lord, help me!

So here are the things that I should do to feel better:
* Try to be happy for other people, although there might be some envy feeling that comes along with it. When I feel envy, take a deep breath, clear my thoughts, and smile.
* Stop comparing. People do things that they have to do and it has nothing to do with me.
* Every single person on Earth thinks differently. Don't expect them to think like me.
* Stop judging!