Every month, when it's that time of the month, I feel like crap! When I feel like crap, I look down on myself. All these thoughts start coming to my head. Especially about how useless I am in this whole wide world. Hmmph...
This morning, I wanted to tried some stuff on my newly installed Pro Tools but the damn thing wouldn't launch. Then I realized that it wasn't the compatible version, so I downloaded the additional installer. After a few minutes of waiting impatiently, the thing couldn't launch. Being the buta IT person, I just didn't know of what to do. Then I got mad at myself for being so setupid (borrowed from Nadiah)..
Was talking with him on Skype and rambled about how setupid I am at things. I learn the piano almost all my life but I still can't play a decent tune. I find it so hard to just relax and let my hands moves on its own on the piano. I keep thinking about whether the voicings are appropriate, or the notes selections are acceptable, or the style of playing make sense, or why my fingers keep on playing quaver-notes and can't go faster, or my accent notes are heard, or why my improvisation sound the same, bla bla bla...Hmmph...I used to be quite good at my previous instrument and decided to learn something else (that supposedly can make more money). For some reason I know that it is a right decision, but just I don't see any potential in me, yet I want to keep doing it...And I hate it when I hear someone else can play effortlessly, I got jealous..Why can't play like them??
I've been practicing the way my teacher taught me. I hope it's just a matter of time to see the results. But it has been quite some time and I'm still at that level. Zero! When I think about this, I wonder whether this is the right path for me. I believe I've work quite hard but I'm still not satisfied with my playing skills. I am actually ashamed of calling myself a musician because I suck! What else should I do????I need some inspirations..
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