Hmmph...

I don't know why do I always feel guilty whenever I ask favors from my students, especially when they're not class/course-related. For example, when a colleague ask me to call some students to help us out with a project, as much as I want that extra help, I'll end up feeling so guilty the moment they oblige. Then I'll start to figure how am I going to repay them. The only thing that always comes to my mind is to take them out for dinner. But I can't be doing that every time right? Cuz that's kinda like....bribery.

I know some people are not afraid to use their autocracy on others but not me. For some reason, I haven't fully digest the fact that I'm now a lecturer, and therefore belong in a slightly higher hierarchy. Though I do sometimes use my so-called 'power' to make people do stuff, it never really makes me feel good later on.

Here's another thing that has been bothering me for quite some time. I must admit that I've developed some sort of connection with my students. I see it as a good thing because I'm beginning to love my job because of that connection (did I mention that I'm gonna miss them during their break?). But I've been told 'not to get too close with the students as they might stab my back' or something like that. And that made me feel somewhat restless right now. Not that I've gotten too close to them or anything like that, but I have been quite laid-back with them lately. It makes me feel good about myself when my students can accept me for who I am. But after receiving that 'piece of advice', I'll probably have to act up as somebody else, maybe become a little colder, smile less, talk business only, and such, which I can't really do.

If you guys have anything to say about this, please do so. Appreciate it very much.