Alhamdulillah, baby girl is turning 3 months next week and I'm about to go back to work. Sad??? A little cuz I won't be spending my day time with Khadeeja anymore. But I kinda miss work actually hehe...Now does this means that I'm a 'bad' mother? You be the judge. Taking care of Khadeeja is awesome but staying at home all day long makes me feel somewhat unproductive and rasa macam otak tepu skit ;)
Bukan nak angkat bakul sendiri but according to a lot of people Khadeeja is a well-behaved baby :) So far, it's easy taking care of her. She sleeps well at night, only wakes up once to be fed. She doesn't cry like crazy and she's very fond of people. And she is such a smiley baby! (Cair mummy dengan daddy k).
As a new mother I'm trying to learn things as I go along. That means I'm going to make mistakes, but most importantly I'm going to learn from them. So people will judge if they see something that is 'wrong' or not up to the society standard. One of them would be about breastfeeding. And this is what I'm gonna talk about.
I fall into the category of mothers who FAIL to EXCLUSIVELY breastfeed their babies. It's frustrating. I had planned to exclusively breastfeed Khadeeja way before I got married but things usually don't go as you plan. Khadeeja had to be formula fed when she was 5 days old. My milk took forever to come in and I didn't even know it. Only when I got home I found out that she did not get enough milk. No wonder she was crying till her voice and lips cracked. Poor baby. My nipple had already cracked and bled and I was in so much pain. I was in the poorest condition emotionally and physically, kept blaming myself for being a horrible mother that I can't even feed my own child (which is supposed to happen naturally). So with my mother-in-law's advice (as I was staying at her house then) I had to succumb into giving her formula. I cried my heart out seeing my few-days-old baby drank from a bottle and at the same time punishing myself for letting her go hungry for days, nasib baik she still alive!
My milk started to come in the next day after kena urut but it was still so painful to feed her directly. I was not strong enough to go through it so I let her have her bottle until I was back in my hometown. By this time, I had determine to get back to breastfeed her fully, so I read a lot of blogs, articles and such to motivate myself. I took whatever milk boosters and supplements to increase my milk supply and direct-feeding her as much as I can. But it took a toll on my back as well as my emotion. I was in so much stress! I then got myself an electric breast pump kononnya to stimulate my milk. But even by pumping, I could only get about 1 oz or less for both breast every time. I was devastated.
After my confinement, I had some strength to pump more regularly but still not enough to make stocks. I came to a point to just gave up on getting back to fully breastfeed my baby and to just redha that I had to mix with formula milk. My mom even told me to just go with the flow, don't stress out too much as this is probably yang terbaik yang Allah dah bagi pada aku. The most important thing is that Khadeeja puts on weight, healthy and safe. Alhamdulillah, she did not have jaundice, never caught a fever, just a few sneezes and cough but nothing serious. At the moment I still feed her directly, express, and formula-fed. It's a lot of work, but since I still have my milk going on, what the hell!
It is emotionally tormented to be labelled as 'lazy mom', or 'cacat' or 'bad mom' by those who are able to exclusively breastfeed to us, the kononnya 'failed mothers'. It is as if we never even try. It is as if it's our pleasure to formula-fed our babies. Puhleaaaseee....Good for you that you're able to do so. Tuhan murahkan rezeki kau dengan susu banyak. But raising a child to be a useful human being in the future doesn't just rely on exclusive breastfeeding. It's a mixture of good parenting skills, education, discipline, balanced diet, environment, parents' attitude, etc. And I pray for Khadeeja to have all those to be the best that she can be InsyaAllah.
So for those out there who are like me, just remember that Tuhan turunkan ujian (contoh: tak banyak susu) tapi bagi kita kenikmatan dalam bentuk lain (contoh: anak tak jaundice). I know a few people who are able to exclusively breastfeed dengan meriahnya tapi dapat ujian dalam bentuk lain, contoh tak dapat tinggal serumah dengan suami la sebab kerja lain negeri, anak jaundice sampai sebulan lebih, anak menangis tak henti2 tak tau sebab sampai berbulan2 walaupun stock susu berlambak2. So, always be thankful for what you have instead of judging others. Tak dinafikan jugak mak2 yang terpaksa bagi formula kita sentiasa rasa tertekan sebab masyarakat semacam dah pandang kita serong. I remember what Prof Dr Muhaya said, manusia lebih mengutamakan penghargaan manusia instead of penghargaan Allah. Kita rasa horrible takleh nak exclusively breasfeed sebab manusia lain dah awal2 cop yang kita ni horrible mothers. Persetankan mereka! Yang penting, sentiasa bersyukur, sekurang2nya, anak kita masih lagi kenyang, boleh membesar macam anak mereka. Nak kata kata anak kita tak pandai sebab minum formula, bodoh pandai anak kita tu kita yang tentukan. Kita didik anak kita elok pandaila dia iye dak? Susu badan membantu memberi nourishment yang terbaik untuk anak but it's not a magic potion, minum je terus pandai.
Peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment